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23 October, 2014

The Poet’s Legacy

By |October 23rd, 2014|Legacy|

Every family has at least one poet. My great-grandmother, Inez Lea Hannah, was our family’s poet. Between the ages of 12 and 13, she began writing poetry focused on the rural landscapes of the Ozarks. By the time she was eighteen, her poems were being picked up by the local papers. Unfortunately, very few of her writings remain. Mostly stuffed into drawers, old shoeboxes and now fragile books through the years, I still managed to slowly piece together a small collection of her work. This is the part of her legacy I know she would want our family to enjoy, and enjoy I do. My great-grandmother was great admirer of Robert Frost, and I often imagine her as a young girl longing to write in his rural, New England voice, though her tradition was distinctly rural, Midwestern. A book of Frost’s poetry sat next to her Bible on the old nightstand her entire life. I have often wondered what happened to those two treasured books when she was finally moved into the nursing home. Outliving most of her children, my great-grandmother not only had great genes, but was more perceptive than most; I could see it in her piercing blue eyes every time I lied to her about walking along the railroad tracks in town. She had her own spies during our summers at the farm. She also could sense controversy in the family long before it erupted, yet she often remained hesitant to interfere in the business of others (though I do think she secretly enjoyed, a little too much, her neighbor’s daily rounds of gossip).

There are so many wonderful memories of her I carry forward as a sustaining force in my life. She was the best cinnamon toast maker in the family; she never flinched when I had to give her a B12 injection, and she could be a ferocious worrier (a habit she mysteriously bequeathed to me). I not only keep her poems safely tucked away for the next generation to enjoy, but wear her simple gold wedding band on my hand as a daily reminder of her story, which has now become her legacy, and a part of mine. May she live on, and on, and on…

9 October, 2014

Writing a Final Script 101

By |October 9th, 2014|end of life|

What we don’t learn at home about the logistics and benefits of self-empowerment through end-of-life care planning, we are even less likely to learn at school, in the workplace or in our house of worship. When it comes to writing the final script of our lives, clearly one of our most important, we are more often than not simply left to our own solitary devices.

But how can this be when we are learning how to write almost every other kind of script, for every other stage in our lives? How does this make sense? Why does one of the most important narratives of our mortal lives receive such neglect by our society?

I think we can all agree that our fierce stubbornness to avoid the end-of-life conversation at all costs is not that unusual, but it is certainly not a very helpful strategy for a successful plan of action. So how does one go about learning the craft of writing their final script? Where does one begin? The task can feel overwhelming, and because of that, it is often postponed until it is too late – another missed opportunity.

There are a few things to remember once an individual decides to author their final script. The first thing to remember (and this is important) is that no one has the right to hijack another person’s story. The script one chooses to write belongs to the person writing it. Exploring options and ideas with family, friends and professionals can be extremely helpful and affirming, but the script is still ultimately owned by the author.

The second important thing to remember is that decisions and conversations are ongoing and can be reversed, respected and reversed again. It is an evolution of dialogue with one’s self, and with those we love. Indecision is normal and does not necessarily signify a lack of desire to build the best path. What works best at one point in time for someone may radically change at another.

The last and most important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong answer. This is not a test. It is a process of self exploration, clarification and visioning. And it’s helpful to remember that the end-of-life care planning conversation belongs to anyone who wants to have it – family, friends, physicians, nurses, faith leaders and, yes, even children.